How to Cope - with a Tragedy
Every death brings its own trauma to survivors. However, when someone is suddenly killed in an accident or murdered, the stress levels rise considerably for those left behind. When the incident involves multiple deaths, young people or might have been avoided, the senselessness of the loss can traumatise us further and generate heightened emotions of anger, sorrow, guilt and injustice that are hard to control. If this is you, do please seek support by searching through the many organisations and services on this website.
Here are some initial suggestions on how to manage.
1. Be prepared for a wide range of confusing and conflicting emotions. Understand that the shock and injustice of losing someone you knew and/or loved to a sudden, violent and senseless death can result in grief with a wider range and depth of feelings, and grief which can last longer than for survivors of anticipated, non-violent death.
2. Seek professional help. Search for support from the many specialists such as counsellors listed on this website. Go to your GP if you are having difficulty sleeping. Call a helpline if you are experiencing suicidal thoughts .
3. Delay major decisions if you can. Moving, remarrying, deciding to have a baby, changing jobs, etc., no matter how positive they may seem, can create additional stress. Consider big decisions when you feel more able if circumstances allow you to.
4. Feel your feelings. Sadness, rage, vengeance and other strong feelings often emerge after a tragic loss. Sharing them with someone else who understands can help, as can physical activity. Make a point of trying to think rationally and acting responsibly where you can.
5. Be sympathetic toward other family members. It is rare for any two people in a family to handle trauma the same way. Don’t judge others for the different way they are dealing with their grief.
6. Exercise patience with inept friends. Some people will act in clumsy and awkward ways around survivors. Rarely are such comments made to hurt you. Try to be grateful for their attempt, even if the end result wasn’t good.
7. Don’t expect someone else to fill the void. No one can fill the shoes of the person who has died. It is unrealistic and unwise to expect someone else to fill the void which remains in your heart.
8. Seek support from others who have experienced a similar trauma. Remind yourself you do not have to handle this alone. There are others who will have had similar experiences if not at the same time , in similar circumstances. There will be services specifically for your kind of loss and many support groups in your community. Find them on this website.
9. Gather information about the death. Experts often say that collecting as much information as possible about the death can be helpful. This information can be obtained from police reports, autopsy reports, and by talking to witnesses. Your mind will rest better if you can ‘make sense’ of the experience, and, through collecting information, blame and responsibility can be reasonably assessed.
10. Don’t feel guilty about recovering. Getting better does not mean you didn’t love the person enough. Nor does it mean that you will forget him or her. For your own sake, and for others who need you, you have a responsibility to try to manage and find happiness again.
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