Christmas… a Difficult Time for - Those Who Are Grieving
Christmas is fast approaching, and this time can be especially tough when we’re grieving. This is the season of traditions and family gatherings and a by-product is that it highlights the ‘missing-person-shaped’ hole in our lives. Rather than be something to look forward to, for grieving people Christmas can be feared.
Here’s our advice to help you navigate this difficult period:
Acknowledge your feelings. It’s important to accept that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, lonely or fearful. It’s normal to experience a range of emotions in grief.
Plan ahead. Decide in advance how you want to spend the time. Whether it’s attending family gatherings or opting for a quiet day at home, having a plan can reduce anxiety.
Don’t feel pressured. Grief is individual. Focus on doing whatever feels right for you.
Build in flexibility. Grief is unpredictable, so if you get an invitation to join others, consider saying something like: “I would love to come but it may not feel so easy when it comes to it. Could I let you know on the day?” Or “I’d like to come but I may need a bit of time on my own at some point, is that okay?”
Create new traditions. If old traditions are too painful, consider creating new ones that might be more manageable. This could be something as simple as a new Christmas Eve routine or a different way of decorating your home.
Remember your loved one. Find ways to include the memory of the person in your celebrations. This could be through lighting a candle, sharing stories, or you may choose to go to the memorial or grave.
Do something in their honour. Engage in activities that they enjoyed or supported. This could be visiting their favourite place, cooking their favourite meal, or donating to a charity. Perhaps AtaLoss? Donate to us here.
Talk about the person. If you’re with other people, dare to mention the person's name. You could say how much they would have loved the occasion, recall a memory, or toast them before a meal.
Take care of yourself. Prioritise your physical and mental health. Ensure you’re eating well, getting enough sleep, and engaging in activities that could help you relax.
Express your feelings. Find a way to express your emotions whether through doing something energetic, writing, or art. You could write a letter to the person, telling them how you feel. Getting your deepest feelings down on paper can release tension and if you’re planning to visit a grave or memorial you could take it to read there.
Limit alcohol. While it might be tempting to use alcohol to numb your feelings, it can often make matters worse. Try to limit your intake and find healthier ways to cope.
Reach out for support. Don’t hesitate to lean on family and friends, and take a look at the help available on AtaLoss.org. Search for services here.
Allow yourself moments of joy. It’s okay to laugh and enjoy the festivities even while you’re grieving. Don’t feel guilty about that.
Consider helping others. If you don’t feel like celebrating in your usual way, volunteering is a great option. Many charities, faith groups, etc offer Christmas meals for those in need, and welcome help. Attending to others can be a useful distraction, and surprisingly enjoyable. You can donate to AtaLoss here.
Finally, remember, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Be gentle with yourself and take each day as it comes. There may be some tears, but that is natural and understandable. You can get through this. The good news is for most people Christmas turns out to be not as bad as they fear.
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