Autism and - Bereavement
How Might a Bereavement Affect an Autistic Person?
When grieving the death of someone or something important to them, autistic people may show typical grief responses, such as:
anger.
increased restlessness.
changes to their sleeping and eating patterns.
an increased dependence on others.
a loss of previously displayed skills and confidence.
When an autistic person is experiencing grief, their autistic traits may become more apparent. This is something autistic people highlight in their personal accounts of going through a bereavement.
They may also show other feelings or responses, such as:
a failure to grieve or delayed grief.
aggressive behaviour .
excitement.
Autistic people may find it difficult to express their feelings around bereavement and they may struggle to understand the concept of death and loss and how they are supposed to behave when someone dies.
For some autistic people, the death of someone or something close to them may be overwhelming. They will need time and space to express their feelings.
Whilst many will experience the same as any of us when grieving, the personal accounts of bereavement and the grief process from those who are autistic suggest they may react differently to non-autistic people.
Autistic people have said that they:
may have difficulty being able to connect with their emotions.
may or may not cry or show emotions.
might show a delayed or extreme emotional response.
might experience an increase in their autistic traits, like sensory differences, meltdowns and shutdowns.
might find it harder to organise, plan and concentrate on tasks.
may have difficulty understanding what to do in social situations such as hospital visits and funerals.
How Can I Help?
There is limited research, information or guidance on the most effective approaches to help autistic people deal with death and bereavement, but The National Autistic Society suggest there are things you can do to help.
Autistic people need to be included in rituals and routines around bereavement.
Autistic people should be supported to understand, express, and cope with grief.
Talking therapies may be helpful for some autistic people in dealing with grief.
Talk to the autistic person about what they are going through and help prepare them for what might happen.
If you are supporting an autistic person who is grieving, you can help them by;
Talking about the situation rather than avoiding it.
Helping to prepare them, should someone they know be terminally ill.
Using simple, direct and unambiguous language, ie don’t say that someone has gone to a better place, or gone to sleep rather than telling them they have died.
Tailoring the information to their needs and level of understanding.
Recognising that everyone expresses grief differently - autistic people will need support to express their grief in a way that is right for them.
Explaining that they may see family members acting unusually.
Providing as much information as possible about what to expect when attending hospitals, funerals and wakes. Suggest to the autistic person or their family, if appropriate and possible, that an advance visit to the place where the funeral or wake will take place might be helpful. They could visit the venues’ websites and look at pictures of them.
Autistic people may need additional support with the grief process and there are many types of counselling and therapy if you are searching for extra support, including cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which has been shown to be effective for some autistic people. But do check that the provider understands and has experience of autism before committing to sessions.
More Help for You
Resources to support autistic people, their families and professionals around bereavement are listed below.
Supporting a bereaved autistic child, Child Bereavement UK.
Funeral care and neurodiversity: what you need to know, www.poppysfunerals.co.uk.
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