Grieving Children Returning to School
As the new school year begins, supporting grieving children who are returning to school can be challenging. Here Pete English, Project Leader for AtaLoss’ Listening People project, gives some quick tips on how to manage.
If the loss occurred during the holidays the school may not be aware. Think through what you would like the school to know and whether you want them to communicate this to your child's teacher and the class or just certain members of staff. This is more complicated in senior schools where there are many members of staff.
Ask your child what they would like the school to know. Even very young children may have their own thoughts on this e.g. "I want my friend Mollie to know everything, but I don't want it announced in my whole class. If the circumstances of the death meant that the news was shared more widely, then practice with your child how they might respond. Children can be very blunt. "Toby said your mum died. Why?" "Yes, my mum died but I don't want to talk about it now. You can ask Mrs Evans if you want to."
Routine is important. It provides 'anchors'. If you are a grieving parent, it might be tempting to keep your child off school. They are naturally wanting to be near you, but they also need their friendship group. Also continue to allow your child to go to after school clubs and activities. Away from home they can have the opportunity to put their grief on hold, if even just for an hour.
As the adult, ensure that you have access to adult support. Check out the many support services here.
Child Bereavement UK in particular, have a variety of useful guidelines on their website and also a helpline. AtaLoss also runs support groups for any bereavement situation throughout the UK. See The Bereavement Journey®.
Remember
It's okay, in fact it's important, for your child to see you upset, but their role is not to support you emotionally.
Ensure that you and your child have the support you each need.
Keep school informed and seek support from them for your child.