Coping with the Death of a - Partner on Valentine’s Day

For a lot of people Valentine’s Day is a time to celebrate love, romance and togetherness. But if you’ve lost a partner, the day can bring a renewed sense of grief and loneliness. It’s not uncommon to find yourself dreading the approach of February 14th and the reminders it brings of what once was. At AtaLoss, we understand how deeply painful and isolating this experience can be. We hope these thoughts offer some comfort and practical guidance as you navigate the day.

1. Recognise Your Emotions

Grief can manifest in many ways - sadness, anger, guilt, or even relief (for instance, if your partner had been suffering). Around Valentine’s Day, these feelings might intensify. It’s okay to feel conflicting emotions. Acknowledge them, rather than trying to suppress or deny them. Allow yourself space to mourn, while also giving yourself permission to rest from grief when you need to.

Tip: Journaling can help you process and validate your feelings. Even if you only manage a few lines, putting emotions into words can be cathartic.

2. Consider a New Ritual

The loss of your partner doesn’t mean that love itself disappears. Some people find solace in creating a personal ritual to honour their loved one’s memory on Valentine’s Day. Lighting a candle, writing a letter, or simply spending time in a place that was significant to both of you can be an act of remembrance.

• Write a Letter: Express the love, hopes, and memories that remain close to your heart. You can keep this letter private or share it with someone you trust.

• Memory Box: Place photos, mementos, or written anecdotes that capture special memories into a box you can revisit.

• Create a Memorial: Plant a flower or a small tree in your garden or pot. Watching it grow can bring comfort and a sense of continued connection.

3. Tell Others you are grieving

Even years down the line Valentine’s Day can feel painful and others may expect you to have ‘moved on’.  You could wear the AtaLoss ‘Remembering Someone’ badge or simply tell people you are feeling low at this time and why.  If others are aware they can help you to cope.

4. Give Yourself Permission to Say “No”

Friends and family might invite you to gatherings or encourage you to “get out of the house” on Valentine’s Day. While these offers often come from a place of love, it’s okay to say “no” if you’re not ready for certain social situations. Your emotional well-being comes first, and you have the right to protect yourself from events that might be too painful right now.

Tip: If you do choose to socialise, plan an “exit strategy.” Give yourself a way out if you begin to feel overwhelmed, and communicate this ahead of time so you can leave without feeling guilty.

5. Reach Out for Support

You do not have to face this day, or any day, alone. If you feel overwhelmed, reach out to a trusted friend, relative, or mental health professional.

• Call a Friend: Even a short conversation can break through the isolation.

• Join a Support Group: Sharing with others who have experienced a similar loss can be comforting. There are many groups that provide a safe space to express feelings and learn coping strategies.

• Professional Counselling: Speaking with a bereavement counsellor or therapist can help you navigate complex emotions and develop helpful coping tools.

At AtaLoss, we recognise that each person’s experience of bereavement is unique, and there is no “right” or “wrong” way to grieve. If you need more tailored support or just someone to talk to, please explore our bereavement support page to find local and national support services that suit your situation.

6. Practise Self-Kindness

Valentine’s Day is a good day to remember how important it is to love ourselves. Grief can be exhausting, so engage in self-care practices that feel meaningful and healing.

• Mindful Breaks: Take time during the day to pause, breathe, and centre yourself.

• Physical Activity: Even a short walk can help reduce stress and improve your mood.

• Creative Outlets: Writing, painting, or playing an instrument can offer an emotional release.

• Rest and Sleep: Grief can disrupt sleep patterns, so try to establish a calming bedtime routine to support rest.

7. Honour Your Unique Path

Everyone’s grief journey is different. Try not to compare your path to anyone else’s or feel pressured to “move on.” Healing from bereavement is a process; some days may feel lighter than others and that’s okay. Valentine’s Day may always carry a tinge of sorrow, but it can also evolve into a day where you quietly honour the love you shared.

8. Look Ahead with Hope

When you’re grieving, the idea of looking to the future can feel painful or disloyal. Yet, it’s important to allow hope into your life. Over time, many people who grieve find new sources of meaning, whether through new friendships, community involvement, or personal projects. This doesn’t diminish the love you still hold for your partner, rather it’s an affirmation of them, as they would want you to be happy.

Final Thoughts

Valentine’s Day can highlight the absence in your life when you’ve lost someone you loved. It’s natural to feel lost, sad, or even numb as the day approaches. Remember that you’re not alone in your sorrow. Reach out, share how you feel, and consider letting others support you in practical ways, whether that’s running errands or simply sitting silently with you. Remember, you are still loved. es here

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